Flashback to National Coming Out Day 2011: AVIVA contest winners!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011 was National Coming Out Day—an international day of awareness for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community. The day is designated for “coming out” for LGBT people and to encourage dialogue about the issues facing gays and lesbians all over the world. The LGBT community celebrates by telling their story and allies “come out” in support of their friends and in support of equality for everyone.

AVIVA Pride Network hosted a week-long event called Clock in for Equality to explore what it meant to be “closeted.” Employees were told that they couldn’t speak about their loved ones, have any pictures of their family on their desks and were prohibited from discussing any social activities they had outside of work. As part of the experience, participants entered essays exploring what it felt like to hide that part of their lives. One Iowa was so moved by the essays that we wanted to share them! The AVIVA Pride Network’s goal is to provide support and resources for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered and ally employees and to foster an environment of respect for LGBT employees.

Essay winner:
Separation Anxiety, written by Bryan Robison

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Absolutely. I know I am who I am because of the path I’ve taken in my personal life, but that’s got nothing to do with work. I’m surrounded by people who count on me to do my job, not relate to them what I did last weekend,or with whom. I remember the good old days of not dragging your personal life into the workplace. Generation after generation, people have worked by this rule, and they turned out alright. This is going to be a piece of cake.

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Most likely. Friends and work don’t mix. Why do I think I need a close-knit group of friends to get me through my day? How can my day be improved by mindless chit chat about who did what, with whom? Waste of time, if you ask me. It only seems logical that a surface-level friendship with my co-workers would be sufficient. Does someone I spend so much time with really need to know the "real" me?

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Possibly. A sterile workspace can only make me more productive. With nothing personal to distract me, only the barest of essentials will make me a better, more efficient employee. I’m here to do a job, right? My desk isn’t meant to be some kind of art gallery for snapshots of friends and family, or poorly-drawn pictures of robots fighting ninjas. A child’s artwork, if you want to call if that, should be displayed proudly, but privately, on the refrigerator at home. Having them at work will magically help me do my job any better. It’s not as though I really need to be able to look at the picture of my son holding a sparkler on the Fourth, his Kool-Aid stained smile letting me know I’m the most important person in his little world.

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Doubtful. The professional me is an extension of the personal me. It’s not possible to have one without the other. The little things most of us take for granted are actually the things we shouldn’t. I think nothing of it when I pull out my phone to show off a new picture of my kid, or post on Facebook about something that happened while I was out with my friends. Although I take these things for granted, I would be crushed if I was no longer able to do so. These seemingly-insignificant parts of my life are my life. It’s inconceivable to think about not feeling comfortable sharing these things whenever, and with whomever. To dance around the innocent questions asked me by my co-workers. To feel the need to rely on vague answers and pronouns, just to feel like I was truly a part of the crowd. To know that the people I work with have accepted me as an employee, but never know for sure if they’d be willing to accept the true me as a person.

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Everyone got to where they are as a direct result of their personal lives. I can’t change who I am, any more than I can change how tall I am, and for anyone to expect otherwise is a ridiculous notion. Although you may not watch the same movies, listen to the same music, or read the same books as I do, it doesn’t make me less of a person than you. It’s the differences between us that make this world interesting, and it’s our responsibility to recognize and accept these differences. The bottom line is that we are all who we are, and no one should be expected to be otherwise.

Am I able to completely separate my personal life from my professional life? Why should I have to?

Runner up:
A New Pair of Shoes, written by Jeff Heng

The idea of this event was pretty foreign to me but the idea of simulations and role play are ones that I am quite familiar with so signed up to get a greater understanding of the challenges and opportunities. The process was well defined, hide the physical artifacts that represent your personal life for a week and then act as though you were in the closet with regards to your entire life while at work. Then document your thoughts and feelings while also noticing the reactions of others to the event or your participation.

Stage one – Hiding the Artifacts of my Life

• This initial act was much more challenging than I originally thought it would be, it was like I was in witness protection and the past was gone and needed to be forgotten as soon as it occurred. No chances to relive the past.
• I’d made a note to remind myself to put away my pictures of friends and family, and clean my work area of past artifacts of accomplishment or hints into my personality but accomplishing the task was quite disheartening.

I’m sure I was much less productive and effective in my activities at work while sitting in a sterile and impersonal work environment. Very few others noted the lack of ‘things’ but it was quite noticeable to me each time I sat down to work that my life was stark and without familiarity.

Stage two – Avoidance of Depth

• This stage, clearly the longest, involved being superficial in all of my personal interactions with colleagues and sedulous in my goal to hide my life as those I was seeking to empathize with do each and every day at work and perhaps even with family and friends outside of the workplace.
• A few asked me about the ‘badge’ I wore each day and I took the opportunity explain the process and objectives of the exercise to each. One of the exchanges struck me afterwards by their insensitivity and ignorance and my own lack of action.
• “What is Clock in for Equality?” I explain. “Oh, so you can tell me where all of the gay bars are in town now?” I ignored it and just walked away, a poor response by me and something I regret deeply.

Most associates appreciated the explanation and offered their own perspectives and opinions on the topic showing most Aviva associates are aware, tolerant and nonjudgmental. My pride in Aviva grew from the experience and if it helps even just one Aviva colleague feel more accepted at work then it has been a worthwhile exercise.

The diligence required to keep all of my conversations on a work point and not bring up my family, friends or outside interests was achieved with only a few stumbles. Taking this activity from work to home to the weekends – really doing this 24/7 and 365 days a year would be a pressure that no one should have to endure and clearly can’t be healthy. A quick Google search confirms that rates of suicide, depression, drug use and poor health all rise among the GLBT population which is very likely understated since many are ‘in the closet’ so are not captures by the statistics.

Stage three – Back to Normal

• I’ve brought back out my pictures and hints to my personality but it is not without change and growth.

The entire experience was meaningful and has opened my heart to the challenges of others through role play in a way that a speech, article or movie could not. I’m so fortunate to have a better understanding of the challenges faced by GLBT individuals and hope that I can be more supportive and proactive as an ally when the opportunity presents itself.

In closing, as an optimist, I believe there are many opportunities that have come from this exercise here at Aviva in raising awareness, empathy and outreach to those colleagues who live hidden while at work. Aviva should continue this activity in 2012, share the experiences across Aviva globally and raise awareness in the Des Moines area to the value of this type of simulation to give people a real chance to walk in another person’s shoes – if only for a week.

 

For National Coming Out Day, One Iowa issued the following statement:

“One Iowa is proud to support the efforts of groups here in Iowa, and across the country, to raise awareness about the issues facing the LGBT community and how we can work together to achieve full equality for gays and lesbians. Today is a day to celebrate our diversity and our strength as a community,” said Troy Price, One Iowa Executive Director. “We know that by telling our stories and spreading a message of equality, we can change hearts and minds. We also know that we cannot protect our rights unless people know who we are and why equality matters to us and our families. I hope that all Iowans will take this time to reflect upon the challenges the LGBT community is facing, and use this as an opportunity to learn how they can become part of the discussion on how to make our state more welcoming and accepting of everyone.”

One Iowa was on ABC 5 news talking about National Coming Out Day.

In Iowa, several colleges and businesses organized events to bring greater awareness to the issues affecting the LGBT community and how people can become involved in the fight for equality:

• LGBT Law Students at Drake University handed out LGBT-related information from 10-4 on Wednesday, Oct. 12, followed by an all-encompassing drag show later that night at 9 p.m. One Iowa attended both events, talking to students about Why Marriage Matters and marriage equality.
• Iowa State University hosted a National Coming Out Week. The LGBTA Alliance and the LGBT Student Services joined together to provide the Iowa State University community with a week of events to raise awareness and celebrate the coming out process. The event kicked off with a National Coming Out Day Rally and T-Shirt sale. Throughout the month of October, the Iowa State University LGBTA Alliance also hosted a Safe Zone Training, Ally lunches, networking opportunities, Dance parties, documentaries, and student speaker panel discussions.
• The University of Iowa's GLBTAU (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender ally union) were on the Pentacrest all day for NCOD with a closet that people could come out of. They created a safe space for people to share their coming out stories. GLBTAU students talked to fellow UI students about LGBT equality and the upcoming special election in SD 18 on November 8th.
• AVIVA Pride Network hosted a week-long event called Clock in for Equality to explore what it means to be “closeted.” Employees were told that they couldn’t speak about their loved ones, have any pictures of their family on their desks and were prohibited from discussing any social activities they had outside of work. As part of the experience, participants entered essays exploring what it felt like to hide that part of their lives (see above essay winners). The AVIVA Pride Network’s goal is to provide support and resources for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgendered and ally employees and to foster an environment of respect for LGBT employees.
• Pioneer Hi-Bred had an LGBT educational event on Oct. 20 in celebration of Nation Coming Out Day from 11:30-1 where One Iowa was also present. One Iowa supporters Larry Hoch and David Twombley spoke at the event, talking about marriage equality and coming out experiences.
• National LGBT equality groups Lambda Legal and the Human Rights Campaign encouraged their national supporters to be visible through social networking channels including Facebook and Twitter.

About National Coming Out Day
National Coming Out Day began in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico and Jean O'Leary, an openly gay political leader from Los Angeles, on behalf of the personal growth workshop The Experience and National Gay Rights Advocates. The date of October 11 was chosen because it was the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. 18 states participated in the first NCOD, which was covered in the national media. In its second year, the participation grew to 21 states. After a media push in 1990, NCOD was observed in all 50 states and seven other countries. Participation continued to grow and in 1990 NCOD merged its efforts with the Human Rights Campaign Fund.